An Open Letter to Dan Sullivan
"A working-class hero is something to be."-- John Lennon
Dear President Daniel F. Sullivan and his cronies--
Though you've served papers on whatever ISP address I used to post on TBOC, you're absolutely not even close to confirming my real identity. That's why I'm about to make a real offer here:
You want it? You got it. But it's going to cost you.
But that's never been a concern for you. After all, you've been more than happy to waste tuition dollars (more than $15,000 so far) in an effort to uncover my identity. This time, however, it's going to cost you.
What do I want? It's simple, really. I want $30,000 added to the budget of the Higher Educational Opportunities Program for the 06/07 academic year. I want this money earmarked as personal spending money for the HEOP students. Why? Because the Heop students have an unfair deal. Coming from lower-class families, they don't have credit cards from their Westchester and Connecticut mommies and daddies.
And that sucks. HEOP students have to work demeaning student jobs (taking time away from their studies) where they are treated with typical upper-class disdain for labor by their fellow students. You know the behavior I'm talking about-- the lack of eye contact, the refusal to greet a fellow student by name, putting their money on the counter rather than touch the hand that makes their food, et al ad nauseum.
HEOP students have to think and plan and worry about finances for every little luxury like buying a compact disc, going to the movies, having a meal off-campus, getting a new shirt, picking up a dime bag or purchasing a book for pleasure reading. And that sucks.
Here's how the donation breaks down:
If the prep work for the case has cost $15,000, how much will the trial fees be? I figure you can get $20,000 if not $25,000 easily. Just cut that much out of this year's budget. You'll find the ledger marked, "Finances for Legal Bullying."
Here's the hitch, Dan-o-- I want the rest to come from the finances of you and your cronies. At least $5000 in toto must be personally donated to HEOP by Dan Sullivan, Cissy Petty (recently fired-- I'm sure, for reasons that had nothing to do with the investigative reporting of TBOC) and whoever else has such a mean interest in discovering my identity. Call it blood money, call it whatever you want. But I'm young, I'm angry, I have no respect for authority-- and you've treated me very rudely by banning Take Back Our Campus and filing a frivolous federal lawsuit.
You can save St. Lawrence University the time and money of further litigation by agreeing to this. Just drop me a line at email@example.com saying "yes," send me confirmation that the $30,000 is in an escrow account waiting to be given to HEOP and I'll send along my identity. Oh my stars and garters, I'll even send an autographed picture to everyone who donates.
You can end this, Danny boy, and save SLU a bunch of cash. The onus is on you.
Editor-in-Chief, Take Back Our Campus